Spurs Suspended Animation
Noun: a word (other than a pronoun) used to identify any of a class of people, places, or things ( common noun ), or to name a particular one of these ( proper noun ).
noun: suspended animation
Vital Spurs Meaning:
The temporary cessation of most Vital Spurs functions without death, as in a dormant seed or a hibernating animal. Suspended Vital Spurs animation is the inducement of a momentary cessation of debate and fewer self-induced main body functions (i.e. Symptoms may include: wetting yourself when we go behind, and/or an extreme hike in Blood Pressure when we are at less than optimum performance), including the brain, to a hypometabolic state in order to try to preserve its mental and physiological capabilities which may present itself as an inability to post on Vital Spurs and/or a complete loss of interest in international Football, or in extreme cases of Spursitus; Life in general.
The International break
Well we know the score; Harry, Harry and Alli are sitting these 'friendlies` out in an attempt to be ready for the North London Premier League War part 51 (more of that later) . Dier is desperate to play, Rose is recovering from his temporary mental aberrations and is fully committed and motivated once again and Trippier will be tripping the light fantastic down the right wing once again. The non-English Spurs Internationals have all been called up into what regularly turns into a tedious bore fest - even if for many of us it`s a full on 'squeaky bottom` time as we await the news of meaningless casualties and scan the news feeds for post match injury reports.
Shades of 'I counted them all out, and I counted them all back` as the injury and performances drama unfolds over the next two weeks sum up my feelings about the whole show.
As it does with every International break, opinions are divided between their need to allow national coaches to experiment and assess tactics, systems and player abilities and the wishes of Premier League fans and often Spurs fans that they`d rather they just die a quick death and this whole pointless exercise would simply fade away (which in 2022 the European friendlies are by the way, and being replaced with the European Nations Cup - which is of course an attempt by UEFA to fleece us even more than they do already).
The more cynical amongst us may well see the break as another English FA inspired conspiracy for extracting precious leisure time attention and devotion to a flawed national team that is desperately needed to pay for an insipid and uninspiring national stadium that continues to drain money away from what the FA should be doing much more of i.e. grass roots and much bigger national facilities investment.
For those attending these friendly games it will of course need all of your National Pride and a big chunk of your hard-earned to meet the often-exorbitant costs of travel, food, tickets, drink and even overnight stays, or a day off of work, for many of my friends with families who don`t live in London it is now simply beyond their reach.
As you might have guessed, I`m utterly unimpressed with Wembley, the stadium and national games are reduced to giving free 'clappers` for fans to use and listening to an incessant brass band that knows one tune. The facilities both in and outside of the ground are inadequate and over-priced. Try using the unattended, filthy toilets at half-time and getting yourself a drink/Luke-warm hot dog and getting back to your seat for the start of the second half, (unless you leave your seat five minutes before the half-time whistle), it`s a feat even Usain Bolt would struggle with - which brings me to another bugbear; when I don`t go (and I used to attend all home games), the number of times I`ve heard the cossetted, sycophantic presenters berate supporters for not being back in their seats for the start of the second half infuriates me - let them lucky so and so`s try and do the 'Wembley dash`, they'd be screaming 'foul' before they'd laughed at the huge wedge of cash they get from the BBC for their inane often repetitive assessments.
Wembley is the result of allowing middle class farts the right to make the decision about a new national stadium; if the morons had listened to and considered some of the genuine 'working; classes, today we`d have Internationals being played all over the country packed to the gunnels which would allow them to be logistically and financially accessible to all our youngsters and families and we`d be breeding a whole new generation of committed die-hard England fans rather than leaving our children to be even further entranced by 'only` the Premier League.
As of now, this rant is over, but part II is already welling inside me.I'm just not sure you can stomach it right now.
So whilst I vent my spleen about the inadequacy of our National Stadium and our governing body and Vital Spurs goes into suspended animation for a week or two, perhaps we could all turn our attention to the state of the game; is the FA fit for purpose anymore, should we just hand it over to the Premier league, the Football league or petition the government to step in and reform it root and Branch?
Just how do we get our children back into the national stadium without forcing parents into penury for extended periods and is the national stadium unimprovable and do we have to live with fans being treated like cash cows?
Yep, the FA is the gift that just keeps giving; but only to those who can invade their cosy drinking circles and after match dinner club.
Over to you Vital posters; the intelligentsia of Football forums and social media… what do you think?